The Bellicose Juction neighborhood watch program was honored at a dinner at the CoalCrack Cafe tonight.
Watch chairwoman Linda Fangs, known in circles as "Tweedle Don't," was called a 'hero to the neighborhood' and a 'reason to stop dating women.' While the second point about Fangs spoke more to her homely appearance, large front teeth, and scaly facial appearance, her work in reducing crime in town was more the focus.
A cake that was purchased by the Smeltzer Hardware Shop and the Morbid Funeral Home pictured Fangs' face on it. Jim Mormom of the Smeltzer Hardware store joked afterwards to reporters, "Anyone want cake!? No one ate the parts with Fangs' face!" To the delight of the crowd, Ted Morbid took it and smashed it into Fangs' forehead. And a roar of laughter ensued.
In her speech, Linda Fangs called the town "not worthy of saving" and she loudly wondered why she even runs a neighborhood watch program. "Every day I wake up with saying on my house in butter, if it snows people write things in my front yard in the snow with urine, and I get my mail stolen almost weekly. I really don't know why I do this organization."
Applause immediately filled the room.
As a reward, Mayor Largent was also at the dinner but said food poisoning made him had to cut out early. Before he left, he presented Fangs with a gold-plated Ultimate Warrior Wig, the highest honor someone in Bellicose Junction can achieve.
No comments:
Post a Comment