Man decides to sell Franklin Walbert Stimulator at garage sale

A feminine Nelson shows off his Stimulator

Lars Nelson Jr, Phd, decided to sell his father's Franklin Walbert Stimulator at this weekend's upcoming Bellicose Junction community wide yard sale. Nelson told this journal that he wants someone out there to be stimulated with electric shock therapy as much as he and his father were in their lives.

Nelson said that the Franklin Walbert Stimulator was only 46 cents when his father originally purchased it from the United States Government. Nelson said his dad was an employee of the government, and that Uncle Sam had given all employees of his office a deal on leftover Stimulators after they were banned for being cruel and inhumane.

I interviewed Nelson in his Bigot's Peak neighborhood home yesterday. His house had the scent of distress, coupled with aged wood paneling and stale cigarettes and whiskey. There was another smell permeating from his closet that should, in no way, be reported on an open forum such as this.

"There is nothing inhumane about stimulation," Nelson said. "I think my Franklin Walbert Stimulator is the best Franklin Walbert Stimulator I have ever used, seen, or been around." Nelson noted that the buttons on the contraption were still in tact, and that brutal force electroshock therapy can still be applied with the Franklin Walbert Stimulator just as it was when his father first began using it during top secret tests on chimps.

Nelson said he will sell the device, weight approximately 65 pounds, for five dollars and seventy five cents. Nelson confirmed that he'd be willing to open up bids prior to the yard sale, but that those visits must be made in person at his residence. Nelson also requests that should you decide to bid in person, that you bring with you one rose and a small container of whipped butter. Nelson will supply the rest, he said.

If the Franklin Walbert Stimulator does not sell, he said, there are chances he will be arrested and incarcerated for possessing a banned device. And that is exactly what he hopes avoiding by ridding himself of his Franklin Walbert Stimulator.

Also notable: His collection of blow up dolls inspired by Mary Todd Lincoln will be on display. Nelson still has not decided if they will be sold, but he certainly said his collection is big enough to brag about.